Perpetual Rape

Perpetual rape. The stigma perpetuated by our young ladies.

Standing in the middle of my kitchen, surrounding the island, were 4 teenagers chatting away about local gossip. As I approached I heard an unsettling joke coming from one of the girls. Mind you, this young lady is a junior in high school with a 4.73 gpa, great parents and a comfortable lifestyle. A young woman at their school had claimed that she was raped a few years ago and ever since then she has been the subject of doubt and ridicule. The joke was unsavory and it hurt my heart to hear such degradation of a victim/survivor.

Nevertheless I took this as an opportunity to help these young ladies see that they are perpetuating a culture of shaming the survivor and degrading women. We are supposed to support one another!

When asked, it all came down to how the survivor “handled” the situation and she “put herself in a bad place in the first place” and that she was “probably lying”. Coming from two young ladies, my jaw hit the floor, my face became red as I became triggered. Inserting myself into the conversation, I really wanted to understand how they would handle a sensitive discussion on the topic. Survivor mommy took over and the conversation went something like this:

Q. (Me) >Your best friend comes to you and says that she was raped by a boy. What do you do?

A. “Uhh clearly she has to go to the police, go to a hospital and get a rape kit!”
My response- Really? If she knows how the last girl who came forward was treated by you, and others, do you think she will make the decision to tell you and get help? (Deep thought ensues)

Q. (Me) >You are raped by your boyfriend. You may have been in a position but you changed your mind, got scared, expressed your discomfort and said you didnt want to and he overpowered you. What do you do?

A.- “I don’t know”

So many things to think about, right?! Now think about being ridiculed, joked about, and degraded after you came forward. Your own friends abandon you.
Doesnt sound like the support women are supposed to have for one another, does it? Would you want your mother treated that way? Your sister? Your best friend? Yourself?

Truly amazing how just a little conversation from a parent can start a discussion between young men and young women that will live & resonate with them. Ironically, the young men were far more protective and supportive of the female survivor than the females.

Females are alienating each other at every level and age group. We are acting like crabs in a bucket. Have you ever seen crabs in a bucket? None of them ever get out because they are too busy pulling each other down and stepping on their heads! Let’s keep the conversations going and make sure our young ladies are in them. 🙂